What is expected is respected

Of course, the article in the San Diego Reader got some attention, and nearly all responses were negative. Perhaps some responses were positive, but they didn’t get through to be published. This is understandable, as it provides a bit of perspective. I can hear the gears turning in many heads about the right and the wrong about the article, cyclists and drivers.

And they are all correct.

We cyclist are guilty as charged. On all counts. Running lights. Blocking traffic. Running stop signs. Riding drunk. Acting like idiots in a crowd of other cyclists. Assaulting people and cars. Terrorizing people in cars. And all of the above are illegal. For the non-cyclists out there, running a stop sign merits the same dollar level in fines on bike or in car.

So, you’re expecting an “except that” — some sort of “what was done to me so I should be able to do to you”, or a “they are just as guilty”. And from the mouths of many, perhaps that could be the case made. For every example of a cyclist behaving badly, there’s a counter example about a car to be made. As well, vice versa, for every car behaving badly, there’s a counter example of a cyclist to be made.

And in each booing section (similar to a cheering section, except all you have to do is say unsupportive things and yell obscenities) there will be someone who will inevitably say “I’m also a (driver/cyclist) and I know that…” And they are right. However, if either side feels they are without guilt, let the police follow and cast the first ticket. Eventually, we all make mistakes. Sometimes, we even do things on purpose.

I can tell you about the time a few years back that a plumbing van cut me off near Spring Street, making the wonderful right hook, and I screamed ill things about him, and other relatives he may or may not have had. How he got out of the van with a comically large wrench and began chasing me through the parking lot. And how once I had him near the apartments, I sprinted back up to the van, took the keys out of the ignition, and threw them into the back of the van, locked the door, and shut it. Had I realized it was probably an accident, and had he realized that his large (insert name of major plumbing company) van nearly smashing me into a Ford Escort, we both probably would have realized that it’s simply life and called it good and been on our happy way.

So, we’ve both got a story to tell about the ills and wrongs done us by the world. It’s the world and the way it is. There are a million things to be angry about, but hardly any of them good. It’s easy to get angry. Angry is probably the easiest emotion to muster, the fastest to spiral out of control and the hardest to undo. Generally, it does few of us any good. I suspect any story told about any of these type of interactions is embellished to the credit of the teller. In fact, I know this from a unique perspective.

One writer (Paul Kenney) stated “Respect is earned, no demanded.” Mr. Kenney, you’re right. However, in so much as you’re right, you are very totally and completely off target. As is any cyclist who demands “respect”. I’m an amenable person, most days. Getting along is probably what I’d enjoy the most. That said, the lice on a Norwegian wharf rat’s tail is of more concern than the respect of total strangers. Total strangers and I may never ever be friends. We may never ever be enemies. We many never ever exist in the same 4 block radius ever again. Respect is not required.

What is to be expected and what is required is to cooperate within the social confines of the law, as written, intended, interpreted, and enforced. If you HATE me, I expect that you would still stop at a stop sign. As you should expect from me. We should both expect to receive a ticket that would level a large monetary requirement from our pockets should we not. It has nothing to do with respect, it has everything to do with acting within the agreed upon social norms of a society.

If we, both sides, move forward with an agreement to attempt to work together, to not classify one accidental, boneheaded move with the very rare person out to kill, things would probably be better. I will ask drivers this, as I’ve seen it done by cars to bikes, but never bikes to cars: don’t encourage us to do wrong things. If I come to a stop at a stop sign, it’s because I’m supposed to. Waving me through to be nice, while a nice gesture, certainly really, really aggravates the people behind you. And those people behind you don’t see you waving, they see me “running a stop sign”. Then I’m all kinds of bad karma loaded up.